Top 5 Disturbingly Pointless Apps for iPhone

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In this day and age, smartphones and the Internet are an inseparable part of our day to day existence. I am willing to wager a significant sum of money that most of you out there can’t spend even a week without either. I’m not judging – I’m the same. Take away my phone and Internet and you might as well kill me. We have gotten hopelessly dependent on our gadgets. And why not, to be honest? I mean, smartphones are useful tools people use for productive purposes and… Hahaha, I’m sorry, I can’t even type that with a straight face.

The dire truth is that technology has a limitless potential and gives us access to petabytes upon petabytes of information every second… At any point we have the world’s knowledge on the top of our fingertips and what does the great Homo sapiens, the so called “wise man”, the highest point of the evolutionary ladder, do with all this inherent and unlimited capacity? We ignore it and instead make some of the greatest achievements of human ingenuity fart. That’s right. That’s the best most of us can do – we buy $600 fart jokes. “Oh, a smartphone is hardly one of the greatest achievements of human… whatever word you used”, you say? Yeah, well, your phone has more processing power than all of NASA had when they sent Neil Armstrong to the moon. And they didn’t even need to make their super computers simulate the noise of gas release (maybe that’s the reason they managed to actually get some work done). I can hardly describe this as anything else other than disturbing. Surprisingly, this isn’t even the worst app you can find collecting digital dust in an app store somewhere… There is also…

#5. Tickle Me!

Who, on Earth, comes up with these apps, anyway? There has to have been a point in time when two guys (I assume they were guys) were sitting at a bar, staring at the bottom of a bottle, and one of them suddenly exclaimed in an influx of pure genius, “You know what would be funny? To make your phone fart…” And the other one said, “You know what would be ever funnier? If you could tickle your phone…” Well, if you’ve always wanted the creepy sensation of listening to your phone laughing like a child after you touch the screen, this is the app for you. Yes, that’s all it does. I don’t know what baffles me more – the fact that someone has created it, or the fact that there are people actually buying it…

#4. Enigma Clock

Because obviously clocks have to have other functions than simply telling the time, someone, probably inspired in the same way as the previous app, decided to create this cryptic gem. The app represents the time in a coded “enigmatic” manner using an elaborate algorithm. Because why not?

#3. Hold On

Have you ever been so bored that you wished you had an app that could measure how long you can keep your finger on the screen without moving? If the answer is “yes”, then (get a life) this is the perfect app for you. It even has multi-player via bluetooth, so you can challenge your friends on a boredom contest!

#2. iBeer

It gets better as we go further down the list. iBeer gives you the unique opportunity to simulate drinking beer using your iPhone (without, you know, the “pouring a cold liquid down your throat” part).

#1. Abacus

Because using a calculator is too mainstream, you can shoot up this app instead if, you know, you need to calculate something involving numbers smaller than 20.

Those are just five examples out of thousands and I find this trend really disturbing. I get how someone might want to make easy money using mindless gimmicks but the fact that there are people actually throwing cash at them, is the real cause for concern.

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Rose Finchley

Rose loves to write about tech and gaming. She works for http://www.tenancycleanerslondon.co.uk/carpet-cleaners-putney/ and when something's wrong she is the person that makes it right.

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